You didn’t hear this from me

I recently heard that watermelons are good for your skin. I tend to agree except they attract so many fruit flies you have to cut a hole first then stick it in the freezer until it is rock solid. I recommend this be done with caution. Watermelons are heavy. They also lack flavor so kill the bacteria from fruit flies then in a week use a deep pan to thaw the monster you’ve created. Spiders will be happy to eat all the flies but now you’ve got to worry about possible viral infections that could survive an ice age. I prefer lemon juice. Not sure if this is a scientifically proven fact but my skin seems pretty happy.

If all else fails you could get a flu shot instead of being afraid of needles and smoking pot. Was that offensive enough? No apologies, not when I’ve been trying to selflessly curb your deepest fears. I’ve got to go take a walk or color in my Hello Kitty notepad.


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