Lament

I went hiking today with my mom. We usually go the same way in the woods but today we decided to get a little lost. It was so beautiful to see all the yellow springs and wildlife. I saw more butterflies than I could count. Most of Glen Helen is so healthy, but the last few years have proved to be rough for my beloved Pine Forest. What was once full of foliage and almost dark due to the pine’s tall thick branches seems to be dying. The once heavy scent of pine needles is now distant and sun pours into the center of the forest. There used to be see-saws made of the pines but the dead trees have since fallen apart. Although much of the forest is not how I remember it as a child, there are parts of it that still look familiar. I wonder if the forest is simply moving itself slightly to a different direction. I’m always amazed how clear and cold the water appears, its nice to think that there are still ways to get water that hasn’t been messed with by a machine. Our walk back to the car was not as pleasant, there were a bunch of bugs and spider webs on the path. As far as I know I didn’t get any poison ivy. Overall I had a good time.

Once we got back to the car we drove over to the shops. I found a really cute sundress and although I don’t need anymore I could not resist. In a couple weeks my work is having a family picnic day so I’m going to wear the dress, it will be the best part of the day, seeing as I don’t really want to go but I should. This picnic would be a lot more fun if all my friends still worked with me, although it’s also good they don’t seeing as most of them are not pursuing jobs in the food industry. My mama is going to come with me so then I’ll have her to socialize with. The people I work with are nice but I’m not sure I’d want to go it alone with all their family members.

It is funny to think that of all the animals in the world, humans choose to worry and build things and try to change their appearance. I do not think we will always be this way perhaps there will be a human that evolves to react more like other animals. I sometimes wish we could just feel satisfied with our lives and do the same thing everyday and everyone could have one specific purpose that helps the rest of the people around them. Why do we have to fight over petty beliefs that are probably so far removed from the truth anything that was once valid is now something completely different from its original idea. I think there might be something out there watching over us. I say this because I have been completely alone and yet felt a presence that could be described as divine. I’d like to have absolute certainty in something but so far I still feel that nothing is certain. What we do not know is simply part of life. Dogs and cats don’t worry about accepting a savior into their hearts and although some would disagree with me, I don’t think a deity demands so much attention as some feel is required. I feel that taking care of people around you and the space you are given is sufficient proof that you fit some place in the world. To me every living thing, even the bugs that try to fly into your eyes leave behind a special mark that can only truly be seen when you step back from it. Right now serving my own interest will ultimately affect how other people shape the earth. We all have souls that go somewhere, whether our bodies that we leave behind are rebuilt or we cease to exist, is an unanswerable question. No one can say without a shadow of a doubt that there is an afterlife, because in no recordable time has anyone been to the afterlife and returned. What will become of us is yet to be seen. I do not wish to discourage anyone who believes differently but from my point of view, God does not want us to spend our whole life searching for something better. As far as I’m concerned this is as good as it gets, so live it up.

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